Poems, Poetry & Quotes

FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS

Welcome to funny quotes & sayings - you will find a selection of short quotes & sayings that we hope you will find helpful.

inspirational & funny quotes

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
~ Abraham Lincoln

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
~ Albert Einstein

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. ~ Oscar Wilde

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
~ Abraham Lincoln

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals ~ Winston Churchill

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other ~ W.C. Fields

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been. ~ William Golding

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. ~ Mark Twain

Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.

Women are like elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one ~ W.C. Fields

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything ~ Irish Proverb

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine:
We were both crazy about girls ~ Groucho Marx


I like talking to a brick wall, it's the only thing in the world that never contradicts me.
~ Oscar Wilde (in Lady Windermere's Fan)

and a couple more from the same writer,

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  

I can resist everything except temptation.


Do you have any suggestions for additions to this page, please email us with your favourite short quotes and sayings.

Thanks for visiting.

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